see how they shine for you

2007-07-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

click...

http://akoaysiulap.multiply.com

salamat..

2007-07-08T21:59:00.000-07:00

it was a hot afternoon..quite unusual for the rainy season..it was June then, and we were having our serving of tea..cold..iced..fast forward..we were sitting and trying to kill time..hoping to remove all these uneasiness and boredom that we were having for the past hour..can't recall how it started..who started..but i found comfort in you..and you to me..it was the kind of comfort you long for from all those loneliness.

i remembered that! and when i think of it now, that marked the beginning of something right? though i didn't expect it because as you've sadi, we're not in the same wavelength. but who would have thought that..like what you said.. i found comfort in you..and you to me..it was the kind of comfort you long for from all those loneliness.. don't know if you still feel that way though.

if you only knew what was going through my head..you made me put them into words..i didn't know if you noticed how tears started to come out of my eyes..my voice was cracking..i tried to hide it with my smile..with my laugh..and i was successfull..it was never in my nature to talk that way..that fast.

i didn't notice that. i was focused on what you were telling me. and how amazed i was that a man with jokes and a smiling face could tell me such things, such intense feelings and such deep thoughts. it's like letting me take a peek in that side of yours that only a few could see.

if you only knew in one blink..everything felt good..i discovered so much..and learned a lot..all those moments that we missed and could have shared flashed through my face..and now here we are..sitting again..but everything is different..so much has changed.

i don't know how it turned out that way so fast. and i could still remember when we were talking about the times or moments that we've missed. i thought of our last days back then and i was hoping if we could still extend it somehow. because after 25th, i know it would be separate ways for us and for our friends and i'm not sure if we could still talk of things the same way that we did back then. but what i remembered, i have gained so much lessons, not only about you but from the things that we were talking about as well.

if you only knew how i saw the happiness covering your face..exhilirated. you have found almost everything. you have made your way out. loneliness replaced by happiness. i can see how much you've changed and i believe that so much joy is still in store for you. me? yes, i know you can read me well enough..i'm trying to make may out. finding my way into happiness. i'm never lonely..for i know you're here..but literally i'm lonely but happy..as i put it. we put it. and i know your happy that i'm happy..and enough with the word happy.har har.

would you see the happiness now? im back again to where i was before. and i could say i haven't found everything. but i believe that so much joy is still in store, not only for me, but also for you. for us. we could and we would make our way out. and if you could still remember, i said i'll be okay, as long as you are there.

if you only knew..we parted ways..words were spoken..some we can't recall anymore..but i will always cherish those moments. and i forgot to tell you "thank you".

and i won't stop thanking you as well. but as i see it, you don't really have to thank me. what i did and what i am doing is because you deserve every bit of it.

if you only knew..how your words sheltered me...how your time made me strong..how your voice covered my ears (and those of others)..how you made me feel..how you made me laugh..and smile.

would you know how much help you've given me? those conversations that we had [whether small talks, nonsense stuff, sms or fone talks], it really helped me get through. how it comforted me.

and again i thank you for making me feel important..that i am someone worth your time..yes, you're right "i was never a nobody"..for in your eyes "i was never a nobody"..and that is enough to keep me going.

and i would still think of you that way. see you that way. you are somebody worth of anyone's time. of anybody's emotion. if they don't see you in that light, it would be their loss. and for whatever moment that anyone in that place makes you feel that you don't deserve what you have right now, let them be. you know for yourself how great you can be. and if by any chance you still feel alone, i am still here.

remember the day.cause even the impossible is easy when we got each other..one day we're gonna get so high..

i won't forget that day and i hope you won't as well. i believe that you would be happy someday soon. and i hope i would be too. so much in store for us and i would really hope you would still be here for the next tomorrows.

2007-06-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

i have a long ist of things that i should be thankful for.

...work
...our hires this month. so enough to even exceed xave's target. yey!
...iya.lester.janis.brian. the best guys

...friends
...roselle for hanging out with me every weekend so i wont get sad
...jayjay for talking to me everyday
...iya.lester for making my day at work so bearable
...princess for sharing thoughts with me, understanding me, and loves me still kahit antukin akong bata
...esdi for still remembering me
...feu friends, ust friends, sls friends, spl friends, 3i friends

...family
...bok is here. jp is here.
...cousins still rule

...money
...no prob with this one kahit nashort ako this week
...bought ixus 75 with my own savings. yey!

a lot right? God gives me belssings to compensate for that one thing that makes me sad.

i really am thankful.

but...

i am still sad.

there's still one part in my life that is currently empty.

i mean, to whom will i share my fulfillment, our hires, my happiness, my plans.

aside from friends and family, that is.

i want someone that will listen to my stories everynight, my complaints, my jokes, my achievements.

but i am thankful really.

but can't help to still want for someone.

iman and i? no chance at all. his decision not mine.

and i also stopped looking. im now just waiting.

2007-06-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

complicated = life
who complcates my life = me
who caused me to comlicate my life = people around me who don't care about what i feel

hahahaha. :)

want to do something that is life changing.

inquired at ust grad school. really want to study again, have my MA. or probably go somewhere far and live independently. or change my personality and image.

don't you get bored with your life?

i want to go to church everyday and ask for redemption. hahaha. i think God has enough of my stories already since i tell them the same old situations everyday.

2007-06-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

pede ba ako maglabas ng bigat ng loob dito?

ok na ko. wala ng inaasahan. wala ng disappointment. wala ng expectations. tapos nagparamdam ka na naman. tapos lahat ng inipon ko na lakas unti unti na namang nawala. nakakaasar kasi bakit ba ako nagpapaapekto sayo. bakit pa ko nagiisip ng tungkol sayo. bakit kasi hindi na lang ako maging numb sa lahat lahat. nakakainis ka talaga. hinila mo na naman ako pabalik. panu na ngaun. hindi ka na naman nagpaparamdam. lugmok na naman ako. tae ka. nagparamdam ka lang nung nawala ung babae mo. anu ngayon? may babae ka na naman kaya ka ganyan. tae ka talaga.

at ikaw naman. i love you i love you ka jan tapos dudugtungan mo ng friend. isa ka din e. paasa ka. pasalamat ka hindi ako kumagat. alam mo ba na mahirap magpigil ng nararamdan ha?? gusto ko na ikaw sigawan! malamang hindi ko gagawin un kasi gusto ko sabihin sayo na kung anu naiisip at nararamdaman ko pero hindi naman pede din un! bakit kasi ulit hindi ako pede maging numb? at bakit kung kelan ok na ko na akala ko pede ka na e may biglang magpaparamdam at maglalaho na naman. para san? para mapagisip ako kung tama ba nararamdaman ko?

arrrgh.

at ikaw pede bang magplace ka muna bago ka mangpressure na kelangan ko ng madaming endorsements! mahiya ka nga kasi dadalawa pa lang hires mo e end of 2nd quarter na! tsss. wala kang karapatang manghingi ng productivity ko dahil ikaw mismo hindi productive!!!!

gusto ko sumigaw ng malakas!!!

ano ba! asan na ung txt mo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ano ba!!! bakit ba ganyan ka at pafriend friend ka pa!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

gusto ko tumalon baka sakaling mabagok ang ulo ko at maapektuhan ung naka-assign sa feelings ko!

gusto ko magpakalayo at bigla na lang maglaho.

this is not fun anymore.

:(

2007-05-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

you. are. so. FEELINGERO. i hate feelingeros. :)

******

been struggling with work. but still surviving.

******

missing some of my friends. want to take a break with them.

******

been wanting to go to church and tell stories to God. but don't know where i should go. might drop by at greenbelt this saturday.

******

expecting more and more. then i got "you're such a good friend" how bad is that?

******

happiness comes in small wonders

******

been wanting to start travels with you

******

a few thousands away from ixus

******

harhar. :)

2007-05-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

i want to take away everything i posted. starting february. i want to take it away. to swallow what i said and what i felt.

including you. sooner or later, i'll let go of the belief that we're meant. you know why? i'm starting to dislike what i am seeing. it's not you. no wonder it's hard for evrybody to figure you out. i don't know if you're shutting us away from your life. i know you didn't mean what you're doing but please lighten up. you're not going to get what you want.

i have here the list of books that i want to buy. invest on books. haha.

1. Heartbreak
2. A Book of Dreams
3. Tikman ang Langit
4. Vagina Monologue
5. Dear John
6. Judas and The Gospel of Jesus

the first three are written by Filipino authors.

can't wait to have them. :)

2007-05-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

i really don't want to post right now because i want him to read my previous entry first. aaargh frustration.

frustration is already eating me.

frustrated with work.
frustrated with friends.
frustrated with myself.
frustrated with life.
frustrated with everything.

i need someone to talk to with whom i can vent out all these things building up inside me. super unhealthy.

yey. after i finished typing the previous paragraph, he txtd me. made me smile. for a while. aaaargh.

i hate grad lists. i hate calling people and asking them the same questions over and over again. i hate waiting.

i am thinking. how long will i wait for him? i know he is still not aware that i am the one made for him. harhar. how could i make him realize that i am the one that he's supposed to spend his entire life with. what is taking him so long to figure it out???? didn't he know that he's the cause of all the delay? delay of my happiness. delay of his. we've been looking for it for so long but then we can't seem to grasp it. aaaaaaaarggh.

how much pain will i still have to go through before i can have him?

HOY MAGISING KA!!!!! ANU BA!!

haha. frustration. frustration.

i wonder.. where do i belong? i have a theory. still thinking of an appropriate name for that. it's about the four kinds of people you meet in your life. i don't want to disclose this yet because someone might actually steal it. hahaha. but i give it as advice to my friends at times. :)

can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. harhar.

2007-04-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

dear mister,

you've been in my mind for the past weeks. sad but i think you only think of me when you dont have anything to think about. :)

i smile everytime you remember me and it's enough to take all the pain away. :)

i hope everything is going well on your side. i miss your thoughts. and if everything sucks, you know i really want to help you with things for them to be easier. but then i can't because you're not mine.

it's been years and it's really one of my favoirte thoughts.. how will your hand feel.. how will it feel if you hug me.. how will it feel to take care of you.. how will i feel if you love me..

i don't know if you feel it but i hope that you don't. because i'm scared. scared of what you might think. scared that you'd go away.

but don't worry. i'm not hoping that you'll love me like the way you loved them. i know where i should stand. it's just that, i hope you could know me.

you know the reason why i don't want to hope? because i feel i'm not enough. i'm not pretty enough. i'm not responsible enough. i'm not intelligent enough. i'm not good enough for you. not good enough to bring to your parents. but if you could just see beyond what you're seeing..you'll see a good person. and i'll love you the best way i know how.

sometimes i'd like to think you and me together. then i'll be telling our kids.. "you know how dad and i met? it's one rainy month and..." so on..

probably it's a nice feeling to have you. i really want to have you... i'll pray to God that if He's saving something better for me..I'll pray that it's you that He'll give..

i dont want caramel frap anymore. i'd like teez freeze this time....

i love you,
leah

i'm not like the girls that you've known
but i believe i'm worth coming home to

2007-04-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

finally.. have a chance to post since bok arrived. not the holy week that i expected.. much much fun.

big changes lately. esdi asked me about one of my posts, the dear you love me whatever. it's my way of saying goodbye and letting go of all the hope that i have.

iman and i talked about it already. i can't say that we agreed because, it's his decision, not mine. he decided that we can't go back anymore. we'll be friends. that's it. even the possibility of recon is not on his mind and heart anymore.

how can you fight for that kind of situation? how can you accept things that you don't want to accept. how come that im living my life now based on the decision of other people??

THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.

i want a chance. another chance. but how come he doesn't want to give that to me?

okay. okay. stop.

i really don't understand and it's really hard to just get by. tsk.

and i can't talk about it. we can't talk about it. because it'll drive him away from me.

*******

i'm praying that i'll get tired soon. tired of hoping. tired of making an ass out of my myself. tired of loving.

*******

love life. i'm not loving mine now.

*******

i like someone. i cant say i like someone now because i already like him even befeore i met iman. i want to take everything away that make him crazy. i want everything better for him. for us. i smile because of him. and when i want to take the pain away, i read every line from him, hoping to find something..some hope.. between his lines.

looking forward to everything associated with him.

sad part is.. i ALSO can't have him. i want to reveal myself to him just to show i am more than who he thinks i am. may not be his ideal but a lot more than that.

please know me more.

2007-04-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

simpleng holy week lang naman ung kinakaexcite ko. magluluto kami ni pating. manonood ng dvd. magkukwentuhan.

hindi ko naman inakala na ung taong pinakaiintay ko na dumating para maging maligaya kami.. makikita ko ung araw na yun.

walang pasabi dumating si bok.

nag-iba bigla ung takbo ng mundo.

biglang naging magulo sa bahay. naging maingay. naging makalat. pero lahat sa magandang paraan.

may kuya bok na ulet ako. may kasama na ulet kami gumala. may mamumuno na naman ulet ng kalokohan.

nagmature na daw sya. pansin ko nga. di na sia namamahid ng sipon samen.

gusto ko pakinggan ung mga kwento nia. andami niang baon na kwento.

sana lang matumbasan namen ung kasayahan na pinadama nia smen ngaun.

kagabi, ansarap nilang picture-an. ansarap nameng picture-an. nabuo ulet kami. kumpleto na sana. si kuya jp na lang. masaya ako kasi alam ko masaya ung tita ko. kasi masaya din ung best friend na pinsan ko.

may kuya bok na ulet ako. may makikinig. may magpapayo. may masusumbungan. may matatakbuhan.

2007-04-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

dear you,

it's been a long time since we last talked, since we last went out. i miss the old days. i miss us. i miss you.

alam ko hindi nangyari ung gusto nating mangyari. or gusto ko mangyari. kasi di ko naman sigurado kung talagang ginusto mo na makasama ako habang buhay.

alam mo ba ana malaki ang pagsisisi ko sa maraming bagay. maraming bagay. alam ko marami akong pagkakamali at pagkukulang sayo. naalala mo ung sinabi ko tutulungan kitang gawing madali at masaya ung buhay mo? hindi ko natupad un. pasensya ka na. pasensya ka na sa mga panahong hindi kita hinahayaang gawin ung mga bagay na gusto mong gawin. pasensya ka na kung pinipigilan kita sa maraming bagay. pasensya ka na kung hindi kita hinayaang magenjoy at magpakasaya.

hindi un ang intensyon ko. na hindi iparamdam sayo ung kaligayahan na maibibigay ng iba. ang gusto ko lang..ingatan ka.. na wag ka mawala saken.. ingatan ka.. na wag ka mapahamak.. na nawala sa isip ko na malaki ka na.. may sarili ka ng isip.. kaya mo na tumayo kahit wala ako..

at sa lahat pa ng mga pagkakamali ko sayo.. sna mapatawad mo ko at sana maintindihan mo bakit ko nagawa un.

alam ko na kung gugustuhin mo man na magkaroon ka ng girlfriend, alam ko na hindi na ako ang pipiliin mo.

pero ang hinihingi ko lang sayo, chance. chance na maparamdam ko sayo kung gano kita kamahal. chance na maparamdam sayo na kaya ko magbago. chance lang para mapasaya kita.

pero alam ko na kahit anong gawin kong pagmamakaawa... hindi mo na ibibigay saken ung chance na un..

mahal kita.. mahal na mahal..

love,
me

2007-03-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

so much has happened since i last posted. but what i feel doesn't change one bit.

i mean there's this pain inside but then, it feels lighter. i still get sad most of the time but not like with jeff. really. God has a way of helping me out.

iman loves someone already. probably someone better than me. if ever that they'll be together, then maybe i really have to tell the part of my brain that triggers my feelings to stop sending me stimuli associated with love and care. and please no more pain.

i appreciate esdi telling me that i have a more positive disposition now compared to last time. [haha. ikaw din naman esdi. mas positive ka.] no dark clouds everyday. :) i enjoyed talking to him last night [i don't know if he did, on his part]. and i hope i have a lot of chance to have that kind of conversation often. not just with him, but with my other friends as well. but he [ehem] is helping me out a lot lately [though he's not aware]. i miss ust days. huhuhu. :(

speaking of ust, i was amazed two weeks ago when i saw the fountain. [bakit ngayon ka lang lumabas??] during college, jenny and i, when going home, would pass by lover's lane and complain about our pathetic love situation. when i saw the fountain, i felt the same feeling.

no one beside me to hold my hand and appreciate the splash. no one beside me, just stand beside me and stare and take in the sight. sad. :)

pathetic post :)

2007-02-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

lester won't be accompanying me today. she's been my commute buddy since january and at the same time, she's been helping me out lately. splurging her money for coffee so that we don't have to go home after work.

and since she'll be going out with her mom, i have no choice but to go home.

poor me. am going to sulk again. maybe mocha frap's coming back to make me feel better.

2007-02-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

so many thoughts in my head for these past few days. been planning to post something.. anything but i can't find the time to do so. haha. busy with work [oh come on..].

what's really happening with leah now.

iman and i broke up already. been dealing it with it for almost a month now. i'm telling you, it's not easy to follow every advice that i heard because what i feel is entirely different from what they want me to do. hearing him say those words in front me didn't make it easier.

it's like wanting to take the dive but then not knowing how to swim. so choose. go straight ahead and end up sinking deeper or stay where you're at right now and wait for the time that you're brave enough to take the plunge. i chose the latter.

been holding to a twinge of hope. so little that it seems there's really none.

dark clouds everyday and not knowing what to ask from God.

i'm becoming uber sensitive lately, taking every comment and letting it affect me. esdi made me cry. haha. ;)

and hearing boy abunda talking about meryll having a bipolar disorder, made me think that probably i'm a manic depressive as well.

and i can't find the courage to tell my mom about it because i don't want her asking me questions and lecturing me and telling me that she's been right all along. grrr.

and i can't stop asking why am i going through this. i mean, some people are happy with their lives enenthough they don't deserve it. so how come why i am here and they're there? [huh labo] or probably i'll just borrow this line from kris aquino, when everything's fine with my life, i never questioned God, so now that i have problems, i'm not going to ask God why this is happening to me. not the exact lines, though but i think i got the point. :)

2006-11-21T00:44:00.000-08:00

anim na buwan na ako nagtatrabaho.

akalain mo yan.

at sa anim na buwan na ito.. eto ang ilan sa mga txt messages na natanggap ko..

message 1 : putangina mo. bwisit ka. mamatay ka na.
message 2 : [same sender] putang ina mo cno ka? ur bothering e.if uve got nothing to do better go to mental.

message 1 : jen alam ko ikaw yan. magreply ka naman. alam mo naman landlyn ko. tawag ka naman. kala ko ba mahal mo ako.

message 1 : maam leah. this is *name*, your friend. you remember me? [sa totoo lang, aplikante sya na tinawagan ko para pumunta dito sa office]

eto magaganda..

message 1 : maam leah i appreciate so uch your kindness. god bless you.

message 1 : maam leah and your colleagues, i just want to express my gratitude for giving me a chance to experience applying in such a wonderful company with such a fascinating staff. tank you very much. it was indeed a great time knowing the people there.

akalain mo. ung mga unang messages e nung nagbabackground check pa ko. tangina noh? meron pang isa kaso nadelete ko na. napakahaba nia kasi. naiinis lang ako. and lahat ng messages na ya, na-trace ko kung sino.. kaya bad record sila ngayon. nyahahaha.

marami ring nagtethank you kasi may mga trabaho na sila ngayon. yun ung masarap ung feeling. merong isang matanda, pumunta pa sya directly sa office para magpasalamat.. nakakatuwa..

2006-11-12T18:08:00.000-08:00

i was with iman yesterday. :) pumunta sya sa bahay. dapat kasi tlga aalis kami.. kaso may ginawa something sa foot ko kay di kami pede umalis. di nga kami nakapagstarbucks. yaan mo na nga yang planner na yan. napakadaming sticker naman kasi ung kelangan. kamusta naman. 3150php bago maka-21 stickers.

masaya na naman ako kasi nagkita kami. yay. 1 month na lang 2nd anniversary na. nasa kalagitnaan pa lang ako ng paggawa ko sa regalo ko. ok na ang yellow na kanta noh? gumagawa ko ng video nameng dalawa. parang compilations ng photos and videos namen for te past two years. tapos ung background music yellow ng coldplay..ayus na kaya yun?

natatawa ako dun kay iman. haha. nakakatouch kasi sya. sobra sya magalaga at magpasaya. he deserves all the love in the world :)

2006-11-10T00:53:00.000-08:00

oh well..........

*sighs*

*smiles*

*sigh again*

>> yan ang post ko nung november 10,2003 [from www.fuckzandshitz.blogspot.com]

ups
and
downs
twists
and
turns

roller coaster ride

yan ang buhay ko..ewan ko bakit ko nasasabi sa iba na simple lang ang buhay. ndi ko din alam kung san ko nakuha yung idea na un. katangahan. kahit naman ano gawin, komplikado pa din. andaming bagay ung nangyayari na di mo naman gusto pero wala kang magawa para mapigilan un. andami ding bagay na gusto nating mangyari pero ndi nangyayari at wala pa din tayong magawa.

bat laging ganun? bat laging wala tayo magawa?
ang pede lang natin gawin ay tanggapin..
tanggapin na sadyang ganyan ung binubuhos sayo..
tanggapin na talagang ganyan ang binibigay sayo..
makisabay sa agos..
makisabay sa tugtog..
ngarag ka na na sa pagiisip kung kelan aayos ang lahat..tinotorture mo sarili mo sa mga bagay na alam mo namang makakasakit sayo pero patuloy mo binabalikan..kung di ka ba naman nagpapakatanga..kaw lang din nagpapahirap e..mahirap na nga, pinapahirapan pa naten..

>> eto naman ang post ko nung november 8, 2004.. wala kasing november 10,2004.. yan ung pinakamalapit na date.. [from www.thewayitsgonnabe.blogspot.com]

it's only been a week since the classes started for this sem and i feel stressed and drained already.

it's a good thing portia accepted our topic because if she didn't, we're going to do our thesis all by ourselves and we're not gonna ask a single help from her. we've been working for the whole sem break and we've spent a lot of money and alan had spent so much of his time printing the tests, so it's a good thing that she didn't ruin everything.she said about not having the time to check and read our new thesis three times just like mam joy did. she just said that we are taking a big risk and we have to be prepared for the panel when they asked questions about our thesis especially in chapters 1, 2 and 3. well.. portia doesn't know anyting.. *wink* i dont care if she cant check it three times or two times or how many times [the hell!] because we are not planning on going back to our first thesis [michael's words]. i know we can make very good chapters 1, 2 and 3. and we're going it give it to her tomorrow [!!!]

and during this whole thing, i realized a few things that saddens me [am really disappointed and disgusted]. i really hope that not everyone will end up being a mediocre.

i pray that all of these will pay off. =)

>> eto naman ang post ko ng november 10, 2005 [from www.thewayitsgonnabe.blogspot.com]

akalain mo.. eto na ang 4th november 10 post ko..

eto explanation nian e..

ung november 10, 2003 tungkol samen ni jeffrey yan. yan ng mga panahong masaya pa ako.. masaya pa kami.. mga panahong akala ko kami na forever..

ung november 8, 2004 tungkol pa din samen ni jeffrey yan. yan naman ung mga panahong wala na kami at ung tipong lungkot na lungkot ako dahil akala ko "mahal" ko pa sya.

ung november 10, 2005 wala lang. tungkol lang sa school. kasi panahon ng thesis yan..pero alam ko nung mga panahong yan e masaya na ko.. kasi mage-eleven months na kami ni iman nian..

ngayong november 10 na to..hahaha..magtutwenty three months na kami ng iman ko.. si jeffrey..?long forgotten..matagal tagal na din kaming hindi naguusap.. naiisip ko minsan.. kamusta na kaya un? malamang galit sya saken..akala nia kasi ni-user user ko sya.. hahaha..

buhay.

2006-11-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

namimiss ko ang college friends ko.

e yun nga. kasi nagtitingin ako ng pics sa fotopic ko. tapos nakita ko photos name nung retreat. tapos naalala ko naman kung gano ami kasaya nung panahong un. almost a year na din pala un.akalain mo yan. tapos bigla ko sila namiss..

madmi din nangyari nun enoh...? kung iisipin mo.. bumalik ka sa fuckzandshitz.blogspot.com ko. tae. hahaha. puro kakupalan naman nakasulat dun. pero ang alam ko, may post ako dun tungkol sa mga kaklase ko na sobrang nagpasaya saken nung mga panahong may "dark clouds pa ko na sumusunod saken" -- term ni esdi.. haha.

dun naman sa thewayitsgonnabe.blogspot.com, uhmm.. masaya na ko ata dun e.. tapos dun nagsimula na magblog na din ung mga kaklase ko..

tapos malapit na paskuhan.. waah punta tayo ha!! ibig sabihin ung christmas party naten dapat matuloy un.. kahit online na bunutan sa christmas gifts patulan na.. pinaguusapan natin last year un e.dapat matuloy un.. tae pag di natuloy un.. tsk..

random thoughts amp. sana naiintindihan ko tong post na to..

2006-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

bakit kelangang sabihing busog kung gutom?
bakit kelangang sabihing gutom kung busog?

bakit kelangang sabihing panget kung pogi?
bakit kelangang sabihing pogi kung panget?

bakit kelangang sabihing ok kung hindi?
bakit kelangang sabihing hindi kung ok?

bakit kelangang sabihing hasel kung steady?
bakit kelangang sabihing steady kung hasel?

bakit kelangang sabihing mahirap kung madali?
bakit kelangang sabihing madali kung mahirap?

bakit kelangang sabihing mainit kung malamig?
bakit kelangang sabihing malamig kung mainit?

bakit kelangang sabihing mahirap kung madali?
bakit kelangang sabihing madali kung mahirap?

bakit kelangang sabihing magulo kung maayos?
bakit kelangang sabihing maayos kung magulo?

bakit kelangang sabihing mahirap intindihin kung naiintindihan?
bakit kelangang sabihing naiintindihan kung mahirap intindihin?

bakit kelangang sabihing malungkot kung masaya?
bakit kelangang sabihing masaya kung malungkot?

bakit ka ganyan?
e ako.. bakit ako ganito..?

2006-10-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

rude people?

~~i hate you.~~

hate? sige na nga. i don't like that attitude na lang.

[.......]

nanood ako ng world trade center.

twice.

una, kasama ko si iman. pangalawa, kasama ko family ko. nainggit kasi si mama samen ni iman kaya gusto din nia panoorin.

naiyak naman ako. para saken lang ha. maganda ung istorya.

at ciempre andun si nicholas cage. hmmm.

habang pinapanood ko ung movie..it makes me want to hate someone or something. kaso nga lang di ko alam kung sino. at kung ano o alin.

you kept me alive...

2006-10-20T02:34:00.000-07:00

i sooooooooooooo love chris martin..

tsss..

2006-10-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

nadengue ung kapatid ni iman. malala. natakot nga ako sobra

andami nilang problema bigla.

isang araw ayus sila, sumunod, nagkagulo na.

pero ang maganda dito, magaling na ung kapatid nia.

laking pasasalamat nga namin kay God.

problema na lang. pera. kaya. kamusta naman.

wala e. wala ako pede matuulong sa aspeto na yan. kundi, suporta na lang.

naiinlove nga ako lalo kay iman. nakita ko sya inaayos nia buhok ng mama nia kasi pagod na. hinahaplos nia sa likod. ung mahal ko, nakakainlove. =) *kilig*

salamat pala sa mga nagdasal para kay abi.

[........]

may team building kami nung sabado sa meralco.

eto lang yun. physical activities sya.

tumawid ako sa lubid ng nakablind fold at tumalon mula sa 20ft high na lubid..

rapelling na may taas na 40ft..

at yung leap of faith. ung parang nakasabit ka sa cable tapos maglelet go tapos pupunta ka sa kabilang dulo na nakasabit ka lang sa cable. 40 ft din ang taas.

tae. naenjoy ko sya. akalain mo na magagawa ko pala ung ganun. e sabi ko nga e. kung sa totoong buhay e wala akong guts na itry yun. dun kasi, required kaya dapat ko gawin. akalain mo nagawa ko pala sya.

2006-10-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

i was with a friend. wait.. kelan nga ba yun? di ko alam. basta alam ko naka-skirt ako nun.

e kinakabahan ako kasi alam ko tumaba ako. tapos alam ko pa na pag nakita ko na sya, mapapangiti ako ng sonra. ung sonra sobrang ngiti. kasi last ko sya nakita bago pa kamigrumadweyt.

nakita ko sya sa national. putek. tama nga. napangiti na naman ako ng sobra sobra. kasi naman e.

naalala ko nga ung usapan namen sa library. sa lobby un e. tapos napagusapan namin na sayng ang oras na pinalagpas namen. nun lang kami naging magkaibigan kung kelan isang taon na lang ung matitira.

kumain kami sa tokyo tokyo. sige na libre ko na.

sabi nia saken parang wala syang makwento saken sa personal. pero kasi naguusap aman kami sa ym at sa fone. kaya naman nung magkaharap na kami, wala na kaming mapagusapan.

pero sa totoo lang... naging masaya ako nung araw na un. kahit isang oras lang yun.

bakit nga ba?

[.......]

nga pala.. ikaw. aam mo ba na may nagmamahal sayo ng sobra sobra? na may nasasaktan sa mga ginagawa mo? na may naguguluhan sa mga nangyayari? naiisip mo ba yun? e alam mo ba na ikaw lang lagi ang nasa isip nia? e eto.. alam mo ba na may gusto syang mangyari na kaya nia ginusto yun e para sayo?

hirap ng ganyan. akala ko minsan, normal langang buhay ko. yun pala may nagagalit na saken na di ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit. may nasasaktan ako na di ko sinasadya.

sandali pala.. hindi mo ba talaga nararamdamann o ayaw mo lang ipakita na naaapektuhan ka?

[.......]

ooooooooopppsss... minimean ko na ipost talaga to... *wink*

2006-10-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

dalawang taon na ung nakalipas.. tapos kagabi na lang ulet.

buti na lang ung pinsan ko anjan. buti na lang nagpunta sya. buti na lang si mama pinagluto ako ng spaghetti. at least naramdaman ko na birthday ko pala. buti na lang sumakay kami sa fun house. akalain mo, nakakatakot pa rin pala yun. buti na lang naramadaman ko espesyal pa rin pala..

salamat pala sa mga may effort. natouch ako. promise.

pero ung isang tao na nagpapasaya saken, sna hindi sya ung dahilan bakit ako nagsisinungaling dito sa trabaho na kaya ganito ang mata ko e dahil wala akong tulog.

gusto ko lang naman maging importante. na sana pumasok din ako sa isip mo dahil ikaw lagi kita iniisip. gusto ko lang naman maramdaman yung halaga ko.

gusto mo maging robot. maging mayaman. para saken. hindi yun ang gusto ko.

gusto maging si iman ka lang.. na may pagpapahalaga..

[.........]

richard bryan. maraming maraming salamat.

2006-10-05T18:09:00.000-07:00

ayoko na ikwento kasi paulit ulit ko na nakwento. basta knausap kami ng supervisor. kasi nabasa nia ung pianguusapan namen. e tungkol sa kanya un. kupal kasi sya. ako kasi may pakana nung usapan na un e. may kasama pa nga akong smiley na nagsusuka e.

ayun nga lang nahuli kami. boljakan time! =)

[......]

alam mo yung pakiramdam na ganito:

>> ung isang tao, naging importante sayo. di mo alam kung bakit. pero alam mo na he's something?

>> na sobrang ok mga usapan nio..

>> magiging masaya kayo sa kanya kanyang buhay..

>> matagal na hindi maguusap..

>> makakalimutan ung mga bagay na pinagdaanan nio..

>> akala mo, isa na lang sya sa mga taong dumaan at umalis sa buhay mo..

eto tungkol saken na to..

ayun pala, hindi. sabagay, marami rin naman kasing dapat gawin at mas pagtuunan ng pansin. yun nga lang, masyadong masaya pag nagusap na ulit kami. kahit matagal nagpahinga, ganun pa din ang pakiramdam na pinaparamdam nia saken..

ayun nga lang... hindi nia alam kung ano talaga ang naramdaman ko dati.

[......]

2006-10-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

dapat masaya na ako kahapon. pero ganun ata talaga.. a day won't pass by without you feeling sad. and angry.

i hate disapponting people. lalo na ung mga taong sobrang mahal ko at ayokong masaktan na ako ang dahilan. pero kahit anu gawin ko kahapon, hindi tlga pede e. kahit alam ko na andami ko na tinanggihan na lakad, wala pa rin ako magawa. kasi kung ako tatanungin.. gusto ko.. ikaw pa.. gustong gusto kita makasama diba? hindi lang talaga pede.. hindi na kasi katulad ng dati. sana pede pa din ung dati. pero alam ko na maiintindihan din ung sitwasyon.. mababago din.. kasi sa mga susuno na buwan.. magiging pareho na tayo..

[........]

naglakad ako kahapon ng malayo. ayus lang. syempre kinwento ko kay iman. lahat ng mali maling pangyayari kagabi at ung dahilan bakit ako naglakad. siguro walang masama sa ganun. bakit galit na galit ang tatay ko? di nia matanggap sa sarili nia na ~~madalas~~ minsan nagkakamali sya. pero di naman siguro kelangan ibunton saken yung pagkakamali nia. sinusubukan daw namen sya. dahil lang sa nagkukwento ako ng mga bagay bagay kay iman. andami na din nia sinabi saken na nakakagalit pero kelangang palagpasin. sabi din naman kasi ni mama, kahit ano pa ung rason ng kinakagalit ko sa kanya, hindi sapat na rason yun para di ko sya kausapin ng ilang bwan. nagtataka lang ako.. bakit hindi ako nasasaktan sa mga sinasabi nia? bakit nagagalit ako?

[........]

2006-10-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

electricity: none
work: loads

gutom na ko. tagal nung pagkain e. kamusta naman. nagchampion ang uste. akalain mo. after ten years. masaya nga e. naiiyak nga ako e. akalain mo yan. isipin mo pa ito. may issue na binayaran daw ng uste ung isang player ng e para makapasok sila sa finals. ngayon na sila ang nagchampion anu naman kaya ang palusot ng mga ayaw maniwala? binayaran ng uste ang ateneo? nyahaha! asa! kamusta naman un db? ~~i don't have anything against ateneo~~. okay. meron something pero maliit lang. i am against discriminitation at.... ala lang.

wala pa rin ung pagkain. gusto ko na magbakasyon. ayun lang sana pede. hay naman. gusto ko pumuna ng uste. kasi promise talaga namimiss ko na ung buhay ko dati. e dati pabili lang ako ng pabili. haha. koneksyon sa uste? wala lang. kasi ngayon hindi ko maibili ung sarili ko ng toothbrush. kasi nanghihinayang ako sa ipambibili ko. haha. siguro pag sumweldo na lang ulet.

2006-10-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

una muna. what's with the url? e sobrang wala akong maisip. pag english, hindi available. tagalog na lang.

anu pa ba? ayun. kamusta naman ang apat na raw na walang kuryente? walang battery ang cellphone. walang ref. ibig sabihin, walang malamig na tubig at kelangan iluto lahat ng ulam sa ref. ung tipong tatagal at hindi mapapanis. kaya kamusta naman. paat na araw sa iisang klase lang ng ulam ang kinakain ko.

kaninang umaga. sumakay ako ng jeep na may iniinom na chuckie. may nagpara na mahina ang boses. ung katabi ko nagalit. sumigaw ng mama para. biglang banat na "para kasing walang boses". pati ung isang lalaki. ganun din. sumigaw na naman sya. inulit na naman niya banat nya.

may sumakay. tumabi saken. inapakan ung paa ko. sana hindi ako nakasandals. kamusta naman.

at ang uste. kinakareer ang basketball sa uaap. sana talaga manalo mamaya. at sana paguwi ko makapanood ako.

sana nga pala tangkilikin nio ito katulad ng pagtangkilik nio sa thewayitsgonnabe..

2006-09-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

kamusta naman?