i have a long ist of things that i should be thankful for.

...work
...our hires this month. so enough to even exceed xave's target. yey!
...iya.lester.janis.brian. the best guys

...friends
...roselle for hanging out with me every weekend so i wont get sad
...jayjay for talking to me everyday
...iya.lester for making my day at work so bearable
...princess for sharing thoughts with me, understanding me, and loves me still kahit antukin akong bata
...esdi for still remembering me
...feu friends, ust friends, sls friends, spl friends, 3i friends

...family
...bok is here. jp is here.
...cousins still rule

...money
...no prob with this one kahit nashort ako this week
...bought ixus 75 with my own savings. yey!

a lot right? God gives me belssings to compensate for that one thing that makes me sad.

i really am thankful.

but...

i am still sad.

there's still one part in my life that is currently empty.

i mean, to whom will i share my fulfillment, our hires, my happiness, my plans.

aside from friends and family, that is.

i want someone that will listen to my stories everynight, my complaints, my jokes, my achievements.

but i am thankful really.

but can't help to still want for someone.

iman and i? no chance at all. his decision not mine.


and i also stopped looking. im now just waiting.

complicated = life
who complcates my life = me
who caused me to comlicate my life = people around me who don't care about what i feel

hahahaha. :)

want to do something that is life changing.

inquired at ust grad school. really want to study again, have my MA. or probably go somewhere far and live independently. or change my personality and image.

don't you get bored with your life?

i want to go to church everyday and ask for redemption. hahaha. i think God has enough of my stories already since i tell them the same old situations everyday.

pede ba ako maglabas ng bigat ng loob dito?

ok na ko. wala ng inaasahan. wala ng disappointment. wala ng expectations. tapos nagparamdam ka na naman. tapos lahat ng inipon ko na lakas unti unti na namang nawala. nakakaasar kasi bakit ba ako nagpapaapekto sayo. bakit pa ko nagiisip ng tungkol sayo. bakit kasi hindi na lang ako maging numb sa lahat lahat. nakakainis ka talaga. hinila mo na naman ako pabalik. panu na ngaun. hindi ka na naman nagpaparamdam. lugmok na naman ako. tae ka. nagparamdam ka lang nung nawala ung babae mo. anu ngayon? may babae ka na naman kaya ka ganyan. tae ka talaga.

at ikaw naman. i love you i love you ka jan tapos dudugtungan mo ng friend. isa ka din e. paasa ka. pasalamat ka hindi ako kumagat. alam mo ba na mahirap magpigil ng nararamdan ha?? gusto ko na ikaw sigawan! malamang hindi ko gagawin un kasi gusto ko sabihin sayo na kung anu naiisip at nararamdaman ko pero hindi naman pede din un! bakit kasi ulit hindi ako pede maging numb? at bakit kung kelan ok na ko na akala ko pede ka na e may biglang magpaparamdam at maglalaho na naman. para san? para mapagisip ako kung tama ba nararamdaman ko?

arrrgh.

at ikaw pede bang magplace ka muna bago ka mangpressure na kelangan ko ng madaming endorsements! mahiya ka nga kasi dadalawa pa lang hires mo e end of 2nd quarter na! tsss. wala kang karapatang manghingi ng productivity ko dahil ikaw mismo hindi productive!!!!

gusto ko sumigaw ng malakas!!!

ano ba! asan na ung txt mo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ano ba!!! bakit ba ganyan ka at pafriend friend ka pa!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

gusto ko tumalon baka sakaling mabagok ang ulo ko at maapektuhan ung naka-assign sa feelings ko!

gusto ko magpakalayo at bigla na lang maglaho.

this is not fun anymore.

:(